For the first 35 years of my life I gave very little thought to
what might be considered a purpose or meaning to my life - I simply lived
through the years day by day. The
only major decisions made were my choice of medicine as a career, and getting
married after my second year of medical school. Everything else just seemed to follow, including three
wonderful daughters. It was only
after I reached my mid thirties, facing a crisis of sorts in my professional
and spiritual life that I really became aware of who and what I was, and what
my life was meant to be. In many
ways, my real life, my inner life, began at that time.
So much has transpired and evolved since then, including my own
sense of purpose and meaning, and the ways I have chosen to live my life, but
a few things have remained constant, and continually re-affirmed over the
years.
Everything that I am and all I have accomplished, I owe to my
parents. Through their own lives,
as simple as they may have appeared, they gave me the direction and attitude to
become the person I was intended to be.
The longer I live, the more I appreciate them, and their gifts to
me.
One enduring sense of purpose I have is to honor my mother and
father by becoming everything that I feel called to be: a husband, a friend,
a father, a physician, and an artist, and to do so to the best extent possible.
Of all that has been given to me, the most precious has been my
sense of self-esteem, and self worth.
I’m not sure when I first became conscious of this, but the older I
become and the more contact I have with others, the more I realize just how
critical this has been to me. I
grew up knowing I was loved and appreciated, feeling very secure and good about
the person that I was. When people
feel good about themselves, they expect good things from themselves.
Another very enduring sense of purpose has been my determination
to pass on to my children this same gift of self-esteem and self worth. I want them to have the
advantages that were given to me. I
once thought that when they left college and struck out on their own there was
little more for me to do for them...but I’ve since realized that was not
true. The task of nurturing their
souls is one I will claim for as long as I live, and hopefully even beyond
that.
from the journal, 12-4-01
