A SENSE OF PURPOSE

          

 

For the first 35 years of my life I gave very little thought to what might be considered a purpose or meaning to my life - I simply lived through the years day by day.  The only major decisions made were my choice of medicine as a career, and getting married after my second year of medical school.  Everything else just seemed to follow, including three wonderful daughters.  It was only after I reached my mid thirties, facing a crisis of sorts in my professional and spiritual life that I really became aware of who and what I was, and what my life was meant to be.  In many ways, my real life, my inner life, began at that time.

So much has transpired and evolved since then, including my own sense of purpose and meaning, and the ways I have chosen to live my life, but a few things have remained constant, and continually re-affirmed over the years.

Everything that I am and all I have accomplished, I owe to my parents.  Through their own lives, as simple as they may have appeared, they gave me the direction and attitude to become the person I was intended to be.  The longer I live, the more I appreciate them, and their gifts to me. 

One enduring sense of purpose I have is to honor my mother and father by becoming everything that I feel called to be: a husband, a friend, a father, a physician, and an artist, and to do so to the best extent possible.

Of all that has been given to me, the most precious has been my sense of self-esteem, and self worth.  I’m not sure when I first became conscious of this, but the older I become and the more contact I have with others, the more I realize just how critical this has been to me.  I grew up knowing I was loved and appreciated, feeling very secure and good about the person that I was.  When people feel good about themselves, they expect good things from themselves.

Another very enduring sense of purpose has been my determination to pass on to my children this same gift of self-esteem and self worth.   I want them to have the advantages that were given to me.  I once thought that when they left college and struck out on their own there was little more for me to do for them...but I’ve since realized that was not true.  The task of nurturing their souls is one I will claim for as long as I live, and hopefully even beyond that.

from the journal, 12-4-01