Standing on their Shoulders

They had little to give but themselves, which they gave freely and abundantly.  Josephine, who never knew her father, at age eleven had to leave her home, quit school, and move into an apartment with three older brothers to assume all household duties.  Spartaco, known to all as Duke, lost his mother when he was eight years old. The youngest of four brothers, he left school after the eighth grade to work on the family farm, while his brothers and 3 older sisters completed high school and college or business school.  Life on the small farm for my parents was defined by unrelenting hard work, financial insecurity, and more than their share of  personal disappointments and illnesses.  Comfort and happiness were found in their large, extended family and friends.

It took forty years of living for me to fully appreciate all that these two remarkable people have given to me.

I am 76 years old, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of my parents.  (My mother died in December, 1991, and my father in the autumn of 1995.)  I don’t know if this is unusual for someone my age, if it is because I was an only child, or if it’s because I am such a sentimental softy.  I suspect the real reason is because they were remarkable people, and that they gave me so much.  Ironically, in spite of all the writing that I do, writing about them is very difficult for me because I’m afraid I will not do them the justice they deserve.

But I believe that I am the person I am because of my parents. Whatever I have accomplished of worth, and may yet accomplish, is the result of the gifts given to me by my family. 

The greatest of these gifts was a sense of self worth and self-esteem, which have allowed me to choose some of the difficult paths I have followed in my life.  I believe there is no greater gift parents can give to their children than a strong sense of their own self worth.

My parents taught me about love; they taught me about tolerance and forgiveness, and they taught me about humility.  They showed me that a person of worth treats everyone with the same respect and warmth, and that behavior toward others is determined by their humanity and not by their social position or importance.

They never spoke about these beliefs; they simply lived them because that is who they were.  Pretention was foreign to them.

I believe my life is a reflection of these two remarkable people, and I want it to be worthy of them.  My greatest responsibilities have been to live a life honoring their gifts and to pass these gifts on to my children and loved ones. 

After 76 years I’m still standing on their shoulders.

THE SIMPLE LIFE Excerpts from Volume III of the TRILOGY

THE SIMPLE LIFE 

The simple life begins in the heart. It is lived from the inside out and casts its light on the world about us. It cannot be any other way. It is a state of mind that focuses on the important matters of our lives, helping us to avoid the clutter of external influences and distractions. The simple life requires a strong sense of self to prevent others, as well as possessions and social status, from defining whom we are.

In 2008 I took my first trip to Italy, and fell in love with the Italian countryside and the small villages and cities clinging, almost desperately, to the sides of mountains and hills. The one word reverberating in my mind for the entire trip was “simplicity”, reinforcing the attitude that had been building within me over the past year. 

Life appeared to be simple in these small villages where the outward needs of the people seemed to be minimal, at least in terms of housing, cars, and other life accessories that Americans deem necessary. They knew how to enjoy life, and throughout the country, in cities and towns of all sizes, their love of food wine, family, and companionship was obvious. I was deeply impressed by this and wondered how I could incorporate this experience into my quest for a simpler life here in Paducah. Slowly, I came to realize that finding enjoyment and pleasure in daily routine activities is essential for the simple life. It means being grateful for the gifts we have: our health, a home, a loving family, friends, and the endless bounties that so many people can only dream about. 

The simple life comes from simple pleasures.

THE GIFTS OF RESPECT, TRUST, AND UNDERSTANDING

From the small book of GIFTS - Volume II of the Trilogy

 

It was an A-ha moment that I still remember some 35 years later. My oldest daughter was 13 years old when it hit me like a slap on the head: parents can do and say all the right things and still not have total control over their child’s destiny. I believe this is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting, understanding and accepting the fact that we never have complete control. There are many elements in our children’s lives that are beyond our reach. Failing to acknowledge this, and the excessive imposition of parental will and control can be just as harmful as neglecting parental responsibilities. Wise parents know when to step back and show trust in their child, when to allow them to make healthy mistakes, and when to accept their decisions - never easy calls to make.

My parents trusted me. They set boundaries and made it clear what was expected of me, but at the same time gave me room to make my own decisions, both good and bad. They never discouraged me from pursuing some project or diminished my ideas. I was never expected to take over the family farm; it was an unspoken given that I would go to college to prepare for a career of my own choice. They did not push me into one direction or another. My first choice was pharmacy, no doubt influenced by my years of working in our local pharmacy. After one year in pharmacy school I decided my future was in medicine, and my parents accepted that, despite the hardships it would create for them. I knew they were proud of me. They had accomplished what so many of their generation tried to do, to see that their children had a better life than they did. I can only imagine what they thought when I told them that I wanted to pursue art, not as a hobby, but as a career to be shared with medicine. The only thing they asked was if I sure this is what I wanted to do”. Any disappoint they may have felt was kept to themselves, and they offered me nothing but encouragement. My parents never failed to respect my decisions.

Respecting and accepting choices of those we love and care about, especially when they are different from, or in opposition to our own, is often difficult to do. But doing so is a testament to our love.

Respecting views and beliefs that are contradictory to our own is vital to the well being of our society. It is a gift that is ours to give.