Just a Bump on the Road

Actually the bump was in my abdominal wall, and no, it was not a well-developed “abs” muscle (although I can understand why one would think so).  It was a rather mundane, boring umbilical hernia, probably the result of my overly strenuous working out, or less likely from my expanding abdominal girth.  In either case it was a nuisance and not a problem, until it became red, warm, and painful.  Because of my medical background I immediately recognized that this was no ordinary umbilical hernia, and that major surgical intervention was indicated.  Sensing grave danger my tigerness immediately kicked in, and my first instinct was to protect my sweet wife from undue worry about my condition, so I refrained from running to her crying in pain.  Instead I took a wooden spoon from the kitchen and sat quietly with it clamped in my mouth to help manage my reaction to the pain.  Unfortunately she saw me since I was sitting directly across from, and bless her heart she laughed at me, knowing that levity would help.  She is very considerate that way.  And like any good nurse she told the doctor what to do.   And like any good doctor, I listened to the nurse and lay on my back on our bed.  The bed was more convenient than the back yard that she suggested.  The relief was considerable, but I knew it was temporary and definitive measures were needed.  But where - Mayo Clinic, Duke, Vanderbilt?  I was searching the Internet for the leading medical centers in the repair of umbilical hernias when it dawned on me that the best surgeon I knew, Dr. Kevin Stigall was right here in Paducah.

I consulted with the good surgeon, and he explained to me what the surgery would entail. Being insightful and wise he down played the gravity of the situation and said I might be able to go home the same day of the surgery and not have to spend 3 days in the surgical ICU.  But I could see the concern in his eyes.  Clearly this was no ordinary hernia.  He checked his calendar and suggested a date; I’m sure he wanted a time when back up teams of surgeons and cardiologists would be available in case they were needed.  He did not come out and say this directly, but I could sense that was what he was thinking.

Yesterday morning we arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m. to sign in and begin the prep.  I knew I had to be strong for Patience, but I wasn’t sure I could carry it off, especially when I had to take all my cloths off and put on the gown IN FRONT OF HER. Since the top of my head is not very far from my feet the gown reached down to the floor and I looked like Yoda from Star Wars..  I did not cry when the nurse started the IV in my arm, or when Patience had to leave the room.  The nurse said she was giving me something to relax so my sobbing wouldn’t make the surgery more difficult.  The next thing I knew I awoke with this huge bandage on my belly, at least 2, maybe even 2.5 inches wide.  I was breathing fine, and my vital signs were stable; clearly I had dodged a bullet thanks to the skill of the fine Dr. Stigall.  We were back home by 4 p.m. where I would begin the long arduous recovery under my wife’s stern but loving care.  When it comes to healing I’m a tiger, and I expect to return to my usual routine by the end of the year – but it could be sooner, perhaps a week, if Patience has any say in the matter.