Thursday, December 22, 2016

ABOUT CHRISTMAS EVE 15 YEARS AGO




 For as long as I can remember, and most likely from the time I was born, I spent every Christmas Eve except one with my parents until they died, my mother in 1991 and my father in 1995. (in 1959 I spent Christmas in Santa Fe with college friends.)   With only one or two exceptions, this family tradition continued from the time my children were born until last year, my first Christmas Eve without any of the children.  It was only a matter of time before this lifelong tradition would give way to a newer order of family, but understanding the inevitable could not erase some of the sorrow and loneliness of that experience.

Shortly after Christmas, Patience and I visited Paducah KY, and in a matter of weeks made the decision to sell the practice and the farm and make Paducah our retirement destination.  In the months that followed the slow and inexorable process of letting go of place, friends, and so much of what has become familiar in our lives has been at work, both at a conscious and unconscious level. Although I anticipated much of the change, I have been a little surprised by the nature of letting go of family.  I am feeling a sense of detachment from my children that is difficult to explain...certainly not a lessening of my love or my commitment, but a feeling that we are all moving into a new stage in our relationship.  It is one where the bonds that hold us together as a family are now longer, looser, and more flexible (but no less resilient), allowing us all to move freely in the directions of our choice. 

As a result of all of this I no longer expect Christmas Eve to be a gathering of all our children, though I have not given up hope that it can be.   If circumstances allow us to be together (This year we shared the evening with Sara and Dave and Beth and her family) then that is an appreciated bonus.  If we find ourselves scattered, that is OK, a sign of our family's evolution and maturity and the birth of new primary families.

Monday, December 5, 2016

SAVED BY PASTA




(Sharing a page from 5 years ago)

I think I’m going crazy, or at least flirting with it.  I’ve lost my way in the studio, unable to settle down and do anything substantial.  I spend a lot of time reading and thinking about the paintings I want to do.  But I’m not painting, just thinking about it.  When I do sit down to work I must decide what to paint, and how to do it. My options include watercolor, pastel, acrylic, oil, clay, or mixed media, and I won’t even try to go into the range of subject matter from which to choose.  (It makes me wonder how I ever got anything done.)  You can understand the torment that has been dogging me for so many weeks.

Now a lesser man than me would be a basket case at this point, but I have the one thing that keeps me tethered to reality and sanity…PASTA.  Instead of wringing my hands and fretting in the studio I’ve kept myself busy in the kitchen reading my cookbooks and reviewing recipes.  My goal is to prepare as many different pasta dishes as possible, from the most mundane to the most unique.  I look at the different recipes for ideas on which I can elaborate or modify to fit the ingredients available to me in Paducah.  Of course this means pasta every night, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.  My dear wife Patience, bless her heart, is willing to support me in this endeavor.

I am confident that I will be painting again, but I will not be turning my back on pasta, not after all that it is doing for me.