BETWEEN YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW
June 2013
Now, resting between
yesterday and tomorrow, my understanding of myself is becoming blurred by time.
The accumulation of
years, 74 to be exact, seems to have blurred my understanding of who and what I
am. I have a reasonably good idea of who I have been, and what I have, and have
not accomplished during my lifetime. The goals, desires, and aspirations that
have guided me, although somewhat depleted, continue to bounce about in my
head, as modest and grandiose as ever. However they have difficulty getting
traction because the years have worn away some of the unbridled ambition and
enthusiasm that never failed to convinced me I was in charge of my future.
This revelation – if I
can call it that – came about as I grapple with the difficulties of trying to
live in the moment, a concept that has taken on more importance in recent years.
Having lived my entire life with one foot firmly planted in the future,
grounding myself entirely in the present is proving to be difficult. Even in
their “depleted” state, goals and aspirations intrude on the day at hand, pulling
me into the tomorrows. The fact that at age 74 they are poorly defined only
adds to the difficulty. What is a soul to do?
One option is to simply
stopping thinking about it. Take my eyes off of my navel and stop all the
ruminating, a sort of “buck up Gonzo” approach. Heaven knows how many times I
have tried this. Unfortunately any success I may have had was always temporary.
Or, I can do what I
always do…write about it, and if I’m lucky, by the time I finish doing so the
issue will no longer exist.
So what will it
be? I’ll have to think about that.
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