From the small book of GIFTS - Volume II of the Trilogy
It was an A-ha moment that I
still remember some 35 years later. My oldest daughter was 13 years old when it
hit me like a slap on the head: parents can do and say all the right things and
still not have total control over their child’s destiny. I believe this is one
of the most difficult aspects of parenting, understanding and accepting the
fact that we never have complete control. There are many elements in our
children’s lives that are beyond our reach. Failing to acknowledge this, and
the excessive imposition of parental will and control can be just as harmful as
neglecting parental responsibilities. Wise parents know when to step back and
show trust in their child, when to allow them to make healthy mistakes, and
when to accept their decisions - never easy calls to make.
My parents trusted me. They set
boundaries and made it clear what was expected of me, but at the same time gave
me room to make my own decisions, both good and bad. They never discouraged me
from pursuing some project or diminished my ideas. I was never expected to take
over the family farm; it was an unspoken given that I would go to college to
prepare for a career of my own choice. They did not push me into one direction
or another. My first choice was pharmacy, no doubt influenced by my years of
working in our local pharmacy. After one year in pharmacy school I decided my
future was in medicine, and my parents accepted that, despite the hardships it
would create for them. I knew they were proud of me. They had accomplished what
so many of their generation tried to do, to see that their children had a
better life than they did. I can only imagine what they thought when I told
them that I wanted to pursue art, not as a hobby, but as a career to be shared
with medicine. The only thing they asked was if I sure this is what I wanted to
do”. Any disappoint they may have felt was kept to themselves, and they offered
me nothing but encouragement. My parents never failed to respect my decisions.
Respecting
and accepting choices of those we love and care about, especially when they are
different from, or in opposition to our own, is often difficult to do. But
doing so is a testament to our love.
Respecting
views and beliefs that are contradictory to our own is vital to the well being
of our society. It is a gift that is ours to give.
